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Hindi Non Veg Jokes
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Tuesday, July 14, 2009 |
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1. Aik train main daku ghuss aaye or pporee train ko loot lya, Beti:
daddy main nay apne ring save kar le or usay apne pussy main dal
dya, Daddy: Good .. Agar ye apne ammi ko bata datein to humara
SuitCase bhe bach jata......
2. Tention hai to charas loe,
dimag kamzoor hai to badam ka juice loe,
khoon ke kami hai to Anaar ka juice loe,
Mardaza kamzori hai to.. to .. to.. No Problem .. Mera Lund Choos
Loe..
3. Girl: I m like a radio, my left nipple is volume, my right nipple
id tuner,.. Boy turns both but there is no sound. Girl Said, Stupid
neechay Cell(batery) tera baap dalay ga.
4. Question: Why do most men prefer to kiss a woman's lips?
Answer: That's the best way to shut a woman's Horizontal mouth &
open the Vertical one...!
5.Once a boy came late to class.. Teacher said to him: tumhien
periods k miss honay ka zara bhe ehsas hai ? Boy Said: jee.. bohott
ehsas hai .. tub say jub say mere sister k periods aana ruk gaye
thay .. ammi bayhosh hoe gain thin abbu ko heart-attack hoe gaya tha
or mazay ke baat ye k humara driver bhe bhag gaya .... ;)
6. Larka Larki say: tum gana bohot acha gatey hoee ..
Larki: nahe yaar main to sirf bathroom singer hon,
Boy: acha... to kisi din bulao na dono mil k Mehfil jamatay hain ..
7. A Girl Sitting in Examination hall with Sardar je..
Girl: main aap ke naqal mar loon?
Sardar: Aahooo.. tu mere naqal mar lay phir main tere Asal maroon ga ...
8. Aankhein dewangi main laga baithay...
Dil Aashiqui main hara bethay....
Aap to award yafta GANDU Niklay...
KHUHRAY say bhe Gand Marwa Bethay...
9.Ek aurat apne padosi k sath sex kar rahi thi,
k tbhi uska pati aa gaya aur padosi ko pitne laga,
Patni boli: maro aur maro prai aurat pe hath dalta hai,
itne me padosi uske pati ko pitne laga,
Patni fir boli: maro aur maro ''NA KARTA HAI NA KARNE DETA HAI".
10. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PERSON WHO IS COMITTING
SUICIDE AND A VIRGIN ? _ _ _ _ONE IS TRYING TO DIE. .......
THE OTHER ONE IS DYING TO TRY.....
11. One Mouse was fucking an Elephant in a coconut farm.
1 coconut fals on elephant's head.
ELPT-Ouch!
MOUSE-Ouch vouch kuch nahi Gandu, apna shot to aise hi hota hai.
12. What is pure Hindi name of Condom??
Rubber ki Chiknai yukt Prajanan virodhak mardana Ling ki topi.
13. Question : What is Long & Hard, has a hole at the tip and when u insert it into a wet,
hairy & tight hole makes u feel better?
Answer : Vicks Inhaler
14. Girl : Tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : Ye to depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai!!
15. Dur gaon me jab maa baap sote nahi the,
to bacha kehta hai, so ja bapu,
so ja, warna ek aur ho jayega!!!
16. non VEG
noN VEG
nON VEG
NON VEG
NON VEg
NON Veg
NON veg
NOn veg
Non veg
non veg
*
*
Muskura do yaar
non veg
message hai...
17. What is common between a
bus conductor and a gay Man?
Both shout peechey se Aaa
18.Iss aane vali thandi me aapko...
GHARWALI,
BAHARWALI,
SABJIWALI,
PADOSWALI,
COLLEGEWALI,
DOODHWALI,
KAMWALI,
FULWALI,
sab ka Pyar mile.
19. Yeh waqt nahin hai rone ka,
Yeh waqt hai baccha hone ka.
Uss waqt kyon nahin royee thi,
Jab chipak ke soyee thi
Ab jo kiya hai woh bharo,
Tab to kehti thi aur karo, aur karo...
20. Filmi names of penis.
1-2 ankur
3-5 masoom
6-8 parwarish
9-15 pariwartan
16-20 pyaasa
21-35 shikari
36-50 kabhi kabhi
51-60 kamchor
61-75 yaaden
21. Gabbar : Yeh haath mujhe dede Thakur
Thakur : Lele Bhenchod, lekin subah
8 baje meri gand dhone aa jaana!
22. Santa: Oye Murge kaise diye?
Murge wala: Rs 50, Rs 40, Rs 10
Santa: Rs 10 itna sasta kyo?
Saab ise aids hai....
Santa: de do mujhe khana hai
GAND thodi marna hai!
23. Election me jitne ke baad MANMOHAN Ji ne kaha
"Yeh to Sonia Ji ke hath ka kamal hai, Varna Is Umar me to mera khara hona mushkil tha."
24. Beta kya kaam karte ho?
"Ji samaj seva karta Hoon."
Matlab?
"Gire huve ko uthata hoon,
Bichade huye ko Milata hoon"
Woh Kaise?
"Bra banata hoon."
25. Beta kya kaam karte ho?
"Ji samaj seva karta Hoon."
Matlab?
"Gire huve ko uthata hoon,
Bichade huye ko Milata hoon"
Woh Kaise?
"Bra banata hoon."
26. 70 year old man says to his wife, Darling main tumhare liye chaand taare tod laaunga.
Wife replies, "Daant se roti to tootti nahi, gand se akhrod todne ki baat karte ho!"
27. Two girls returning from movie
1st: mere rupaye chori ho gaye!
2nd: tu to blouse mein rakhti thi phir kaise?
1st: muje kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.
28.Agar Gandhiji ke samay me AIDS hota to kya hota?
Toh chautha(4th) bandar underwear ke saamne haath karke khada hota.
29. Husband :plz. KARNE dona
Wife :nahi
Husb :PAKADNE to do
Wif :nahi
Hus :DABANE to do.
Wif :nahi
Hus :sirf DIKHAO to sahi.
Wif :nahi aaj to REMOTE pakadne nahi dungi uske BUTON bhi
dabane nahi dungi aur MATCH bhi dekhne nahi dungi.
Aj to sirial hi chalegi.
Aisa aap ke sath bhi hota hoga na
30. Kisi condom company ne world-cup ko sponser kiya hota to uski advt me aise likh te....
Cover your STUMP.
Before you PUMP!
31. Ansoo tere nikle to aankhein meri ho
Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho
Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehri ho,
Baap tu bane to Mehnat meri ho!
32. Machis aur Sex, donon mein
friction hota hi hai.
Bas, ek mein aag lagata hai,
dusre mein aag buzata hai,
par friction donon mein hota hai.
33. 3 gujrati women went to chaat shop.
Ist woman: manne chat.
2ND woman: manne ragdo(tikki).
3RD woman: manne pehle chat phir ragdo!!
34. Husband: Darling good night
Wife Aise kasie good night?
Pehle band kar light,
phir lund kar tight,
dubake kar fight,
jab nikal jaye white,
then i feel right,
phir good night!
35. On first night
Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai!
Husband slaped his wife and said
kya mere lund par aata laga hai
jo tera upwas toot jayega.
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 5:27 AM  |
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http://fb.com/Bhootmangech00t
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Great non veg jokes and sms collection
Girl ………… Suno ! are you sure you love me n no one else
Boy ……….. Did sure ! i checked the whole list again
yesterday ..
non veg jokes and sms collection
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Nice joke collection, different and very funny collection. Adult Jokes
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OnlineEquityCalls.com
: Free NSE & BSE Shares Equity Calls & Latest
Market News and Updates. |
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Double Meaning Sms
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Monday, July 13, 2009 |
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1.He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
2Ques. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
Ans. U can unscrew a light bulb
3.How do u teach a blonde maths?U subtract her chlothes Devide her legsAnd square root her.
4.He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!
5.Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.Sagar se gahara koi nahi.Aab aapki kya tarif karu...Dost me aap jaisa...Nalayak koi nahi!
6.Jis Tarah Shereen Bina Farhad Mar GayaJis tarah Laila Bina Majnoon Mar GayaBilkul Usi tarahhaan Usi tarhyeh kabhi bhi mat sochna k main tumhare bina mar jaonga
7.Once a baby monkey ask his mum...."mum why r v so ugly?"Mum replies..."Beta essa mat bol kio k jo yeh sms parh raha hay wo hum sai bhi ugly ha
8.I luv the way it rubs aganst the soft pink flesh creating creamy fomy liquid, as it trust in and out up & down, cant wait till nxt time my toothBrush
9.Pehle gale se lagao, Phir kiss karo...Phir bed pe litao, Phir uske legs uthao..Agar bachhe ne susu kar dia, to pamper badlo
10.Barsaat ki raat, ek ladki bheege badan, bheege hoath, bheege baal,
Use dekh ke laga, laga.............kal ye pakke bimar hogi.
11.Har laal rang RED nahin hota,
Her murda DEAD nahin hota,
Kaisay kahon par yeh sach hai,
Har koi aap ki tarah MAD nahin hota…
12.MAD bolay to
M-Most
A-Attractive
D-Dost…
13.Tum Door Sahi Majboor Sahi Per Yaad Tumhari Ati Hai Tum Saans Wahaan Per Letey Hoo Badboo Yahaan Tuk
Ati Hai.
Ab Chota Closeup Sirf Paanch Rupey main.
14.Abe o burai ke resgulle, Pap ki berfi , Bewafa ke laddu, Matlabi chuski, Badmashi ke pedhe, Jhoot ke kalakand.. Tu bada hi sweet hai re..
Tujhe utha ke lon ya bitha ke lon
Tujhe utha ke lon ya bitha ke lon
karon andhera ya balb jala ke lon
ya tujhe khada karon phir teri jhuka ke lon
ab to […]
15.I dropped a coin in wishing well and prayed for a smart friend. God gifted me you and said, "Itne paise me itna hi milega."
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 11:53 PM |
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Funny Adult Jokes
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1.A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
2.A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."
3.A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"
4.A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger fucking his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."
5.Why do dogs lick their balls.......
because they can't make a fist!!! |
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 11:49 PM |
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Funny Jokes
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1.Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
At this, the second one started crying profusely.
The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
Santa sardar and banta sardar was talking two each other. Santa sardar asks banta sardar - What is diffrence between
1. Girlfriend
2. Lover
3. Wife
4. Stepny
Banta sardar said that the answer is very very simple
1. Prepaid
2. Lifetime
3. Postpaid
4. Coinbooth
3.SARDAR & HIS WIFE GOING 2 CITY IN AUTO....
DRIVER ADJUSTED MIRROR..
SARDARJI SHOUTED U R SEEING MY WIFE...
GO & SIT BACK I WILL DRIVE THE AUTO...
4.Sardar declares:
.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . . .
5.how can u identify a sardar in a classroom?
try
try
think....
very simple
just see
who is erasing notes when teacher is erasing blackboard
6.A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?" The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 11:38 PM |
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Missing You Sms
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Sunday, July 12, 2009 |
1.Some things are left undone, some words are left unsaid, some feelings are left unexpressed, but someone as sweet as you could never be left unmissed.
2. In my life I learned how 2 love, 2 smile, 2 B happy, 2 B strong,
2 work hard, 2 B honest, 2 B faithful, 2 forgive. But I couldn't learn how 2 forget U...
3.Am simple BYE make us cry, A simple JOKE make us laugh, simple CARE make us fall in love. I hope my simple SMS make you think of me. I miss you.
4.I am in casualty now, don't say I didn't tell you. After 5 minutes, I will be transfered to ICU. Doctor told, I will die if I don't STOP.. Missing You
5.God gave u 2 legs to walk, 2 hands to hold, 2 ears to hear, 2 eyes to see. But why did he give u only 1 Heart?
Probably bcoz he wants u to look for the other.
6.A hug for you means I need you. A kiss for you means I love you. A call for you means I'm missing you.
7.The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
8.My eyes are hurting coz I can’t see u, my arms r empty coz I can’t hold u, my lips are cold coz I can’t kiss u & my heart is breaking coz I’m not with u.
9.I always knew that looking back on my tears would someday make me laugh, but I never knew that looking back on my laughter would someday make me cry. Miss you.
10.There's no Special reason for this msg, I just wanna steal a single moment out of ur busy life & hope I can make u smile n say: I Miss U.
11.Knowing a person like u, has made me happy in a million ways and if ever I have to let u go... I would find a million reasons to make u stay. I miss you.
12.Sometimes I forget 2 say hi, sometimes I forget 2 reply, sometimes my msg doesn’t reach u, but it doesn't mean I forget u. I'm just giving u time to Miss me.
13.Sometimes I forget 2 say hi, sometimes I forget 2 reply, sometimes my msg doesn’t reach u, but it doesn't mean I forget u. I'm just giving u time to Miss me.
14.What makes some people dearer is not just the happiness that we feel when we meet them but the emptiness we feel when they are not around us. I Miss U!
15.Never luk for a Gud Face, it'll turn old one day; Never luk for a Gud Skin, it'll wrinkle one day; But luk for a loyal heart, that'll miss u every day.
16.Sometimes, I forget to say hi,
Sometimes, I even miss to reply,
Sometimes, my msg doesn't reach u,
But, it doesn't mean that I forget u,
I’m just giving u time to miss me!
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 12:55 AM |
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Friendship Sms
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1.Friendship is not about finding similarities, it is about respecting differences. You are not my friend coz you are like me, but because i accept you and respect you the way you are.
2.Thank you for touching my life in ways you may never know. My riches do not lie in material wealth, but in having friend like you - a precious gift from God.
3.Good FRIENDS CaRE for each Other..
CLoSE Friends UNDERSTaND each Other...
and TRUE Friends STaY forever
beyond words,
beyond time...**
4.FRiEND in different lanaguages...
Iranian - DOST
German - FREUND
Herbew - CHAVER
French - AMi
Pinoy - KAiBiGAN
Dutch - VREND
Mexican - AMiGO
For me.. just simply "YOU"
5. Stars has 5 ends
Square has 4 ends
Trinagle has 3 ends
Line has 2 ends
but Circle of our friendship has no end...
6.A daily thought...
A silent tear...
A Constant wish that u r near...
Words are few but thoughts r deep...
Memories of our frenship i'll always keep!!
7.Being a friend is not just sharing a joke, a conversation, a cup of coffee or a funny story. It means sharing an honest and true part of yourself.
8.In this cruel world it is very difficult to find friend with beautiful heart, pure feelings, attractive personality & stylish looks. So learn to value me!
9.When I was born, GOD said, "Oh No! Another IDIOT". When you were born, GOD said, "OH No! COMPETITION". Who knew, one day these two will become FREINDS FOREVER!
10.Sometimes in life we think we don't need anyone. But sometime we don't have anyone when we need... So don't let your best buddies go ever...
11.We met it was Luck! We talked it was CHANCE! We became friends it was DESTINY! We are still friends it is FAITH! We will always be friends its a PROMISE!
12. When does a friend become a best friend?
When his dialouge, "I care for you" converts into "I will kill you if you don't care for me"
13.Dont write your name on sand, waves will wash it. Dont write your name on sky, wind may blow it. Write your name on hearts of your friends, thats where it will stay.
14.The one who likes you most, sometimes hurts you, but again he is the only one who feels your pain.
15.For me U r as... Chees 4 pizza.. passport 4 visa... butter 4 bread.. ice 4 freezer.. cream 4 cake... water 4 lake.. leaf 4 tree.. a FRIEND like u is 4 ever 4 me..!!
16.Friends are like shoes, some loose some tight, some fit just right, they help u as u walk through life. thanks for being my size!
17.F: FIELD of LOVE!..R: ROOT ofJOy!.. I: ISLAND of GOD!.. E: END of SoRROW!.. N: NAME of HOPE!.. D: DOOR of UNDERSTANDING! dats YOU my FRIEND..
18.Science has proved that sugar melts in water,so plz don`t walk in the rain,
otherwise I may lose a sweet friend like u!!!
19. ;";
;/ ("v")"; /";"/
/;./ "v" './ %./
is not only made for lovers;its also for friends who luv each other better than lovers!!
20.FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
21.KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf 4 u... but in my HEART I swear I'm keeping U..
22.As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each day is never a waste.
23.To live a life i need heartbeat, 2 have heartbeat i need a heart, 2 have heart i need happiness, to have happiness i need a friend, and 4 a friend i need U.ALWAYS
24.Moon said to me, if ur friend is not messaging u why dont you leave ur friend.I looked at moon and said does ur sky ever leave u when u dont shine.
25.Sweetness can be defined without honey.
Fragnance can be defined without Rose.
But, friendship can't be defined without YOU.
26.Friend is one, who (F)inds you in a (R)ush of people, (I)nspires you to do something in life, catch your (E)motions and (N)ever leaves you till (D)eath.
27.As I saw ants crawl up the wall, I noticed that no matter how busy they are, they still stop and communicate with each other. I hope we can be like them.
28.Friendship is not a big fire which burns all day. Its a small lamp, that burns till the last day of life.
29.Medicines and friendships cure our problems. The only difference is that friendships don't have an expiry date.
30.Friendship never speaks volumes, it never demands proof, it never has a happy ending too simply coz it doesn't end as long as friends r true, just like U!
31.If ur friendship be money, I'll be richest man. If ur friendship be pounds, I'll be heaviest man. If ur friendship be luv, I'll be luckiest man. But ur friendship is trust & I'm the happiest man
32.Walk with me when ur hearts needs company, take my hand when u feel all alone, turn to me when u need some1 to lean on, coz I'm a friend u can always depend on
33.Every morning when I open my eyes I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like u.Why should only I suffer!
34.Heart beat are countless, spirits are ageless, dreams r endless, memories are timeless and a friend like u is Useless. Oops! Sorry Yaar, Priceless
35.Dosti insaan ki zaroorat hai, dilon pe dosti ki hukamat hai aap k pyar ki wajah se zinda hain warna khuda ko bhi hamari zarorat hai..
36.Leave SOMETHING for friend..
Never Leave FRIEND for something..
coz in life, SOMETHINGS will leave u but FRIENDS will always live with u..
37.If luck is a raindrop, I wil; send u a shower. If hope is a minute, I ll send you an hour. If happiness is a leaf, I ll give you a tree. If u need a friend, u already have me.
38.When i was walking alone, I wished that i can reach da end of da road.. But when u r walking with me, I wish the road never ends..
Friend's forever..
39.Making a million friends is not a miracle, the miracle is to make a friend who will stand by you when millions are against you.
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 12:32 AM |
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INSULT SMS
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1. Who Wants 2 B A
£MILLIONAIRE£
Let's play?
Q.Nobody likes you because you are a:
A.Cunt
B.Wanker
C.Rsole
D.Twat
50/50
Phone a friend?
Ring me! I will tell you!
2.Press Down if u think u r MAD.
I can't Believe u Did That!
Again?
For God Sake! LORD!!
Why u Still Doing it?
Truth is out now!
MENTAL CASE!!
3.Your network tariff has changed! Call charges are now calculated according to brain size. The smaller the cheaper! Congrats You can make free calls!
4.I saw U on ROAD today. U were lukin SO fine, Ur face SO divine, Ur walk SO perfect. My HEART started singing a Sweet Song: WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!
5.Have u seen a monkey wrapped in plastic?
No???
Quickly see your driving license.
6.Two devils came in 2 my dreams. They said-We want 2 disturb some good person. I suggest them ur name. They said -We cannot disturb our boss.
7. You=lovely
You=perfect
You=beautiful
You=amazing
You=sweet
You=cute
You=genius
You=fantastic
You=fabulous
Me=liar
8.Forest king Virappan died last week. In his memory let us all switch off our mobiles for 2 mins. Plz forward this to all local criminals, as I did.
9.Lost in a zoo I saw many animals..
Mouse
BIRD
Monkey
haila...! U 2
10.Where r u? U r u not replying? I m worried coz todays paper I read that due 2 thunder a monkey has been severely injured. So if u r safe, SMS me immediately.
11.One day a monkey looked into mirror & said, "Oh my ugly face, fat nose" and killed himself. Promise me u will not look into mirror, coz I dont wanna loose you!
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posted by TINA ALBERT @ 12:26 AM |
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